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The Journey of Life

In the End, We Will All Turn Out Fine.

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personal

A year ago…

A year ago I would’ve happily gotten married. My friends asked if right now, if you were to propose would I say yes, and I replied, in an instant. Now, a year later, everything is different. You’re different, you’re not the man I wanted to marry and have a future with. You’re someone else. 

Now, I’ve buried those dreams, deep where I can’t reach them. Because now marriage scares me. Chills me to my bone. Because in a year so much changed and if we had gotten married, I’d have the 22 and divorced title. Because you and me, I guess we were never meant to be. 

You

Being in Toronto makes my stomach churn; memories of you, being with you, are resurfacing. From jumping in the fountain with you to carving our names. It’s hard to pretend that all this doesn’t hurt me… it makes me feel suffocated. But with patience this will pass and that’s what I can do best right now. I love you but I can never be with someone like you again 

Puff puff pass

Today is my day off… which is something I keep saying to myself in order to justify smoking three times today

Delusions

I was once a victim of this delusion so I’ll warn you guys, boys and girls, do things that make you happy. An unhappy relationship isn’t gonna get anywhere unless you guys change or move on. I learned all this the hard way and sometimes I still think I’m trapped in these confusing games. At this time now, I’m just hoping for a happy future, with him or without him. 

Relationship goals

I remember whenever I watched how I met your mother, I could always relate to Marshall and lily because my “long distance” relationship was similar, especially when we were physically together… we were THAT annoying couple hahaha (no PDA in public though, that’s not my thing) but everything eventually comes to an end. And as how I met your mother ended, so did my relationship. 

Hannibal and food

Does watching hannibal whilst eating food make me a sick son of a b***h

Or not…

Looooooool! (For those who don’t know, Hannibal is extremely gruesome)

Health as a nuisance 

My throat has given up on me today, it’s telling me I smoke too much. Today, I will smoke only twice at night… or at least attempt to.

Tick Tick Tock…

Ever feel like you’re running out of time? That the 24 hours in a day isn’t enough. I use to feel like that. Everyday. We feel that way because we often worry about all the future tasks we have to complete that we forget to be in the present. Worrying and anxiety makes people feel like there is a lack of time where there is an abundance of it, but you just don’t know it yet. I know you’re probably saying “That’s easy to say, being present is actually very hard”… I know it is, I won’t disagree with that. That’s why we take baby steps. I know because I use to say that to people who told me to “go with the flow”. I’d always think to myself that they’re absolutely nuts. But then my curiosity got to me and I conducted a small but very important experiment on myself. It was an experiment to create awareness. Awareness is imperative because you cannot improve yourself if you don’t notice your actions.

The experiment:

I woke up one morning and told myself, “Fae, today you will only think about the tasks at hand, when your mind begins to wonder, bring yourself back to the task you were mechanically doing”. Throughout the day,every time I drifted off, I brought my attention back to the task I was doing (ex. cooking, washing my face etc.). I made a mental note to notice which part of my life I think about the most and it happened to be the future. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the future. The same future that has not even happened yet but I STILL managed to worry about it. If you really think about it, focusing so heavily on the future tasks, future goals etc. can actually drive a person insane. It’s hard to have a healthy balance but it is attainable.

The first step is always awareness of one self. Try the experiment. See for yourself if you focus on the now, the past, or the future. That way, at least you will know where the problem lies.

Step two is training your thoughts and emotions… but we’ll get to that later. Thats all for now folks!

Fae out *mic drop*

Lack of inspiration but here is the first post.

An hour ago, my soul was supercharged with inspiration to write and write… and write. about anything. But trying to find a blogging engine such as wordpress took an hour and now my inspiration has left me. It’s funny how inspiration works. It is very temporary.

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