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The Journey of Life

In the End, We Will All Turn Out Fine.

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Heartbreak boulevard

Whole Wide World – Bahamas.

Few months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was devastated, I couldn’t accept it. I couldn’t understand why my best friend would abandon me. I remember how we had talked about what song we’d play on our first dance at our wedding but I couldn’t remember the song title. I told myself that I’ll search and search for the song online and if I couldn’t the song, I’d accept the break up (we hadn’t talked for a month or something at this point but I was so hurt). I couldn’t find the song. I almost became frantic, oh so frantic that I messaged him. Inquiring him about the title; it was a song he had chosen, and I liked it. But he couldn’t remember. It completely broke me. I took it as a sign to move on and accept the breakup. I don’t know why it was so important. Sorta like how Robin loses her necklace in How I Met Your Mother. I felt exactly like that.

Few months later, about five minutes ago, I remembered it out of the blue. I’m much better now, but I don’t know why it came to me. I remembered it was by the Bahamas and I remembered a part of the lyrics. I googled it and found it within minutes. I really wish I hadn’t. Because it just hurts so much more now.

ahhh I was feeling so much better, I feel like I just took a few steps back with my healing process.

Now we’re fighting crying, he demands my attention I demand his. But the situation won’t cooperate. So who’s going to make the first move, is he going to leave or am I?
I said don’t leave, we got love that’s all we need

He says but baby, love isn’t enough. It will never be.

The worst part

The worst part wasn’t the breakup, it was that he deliberately let me go.

You know when you believe that they won’t hurt you… they probably will. Expecting someone that you love, that’s loves you back, expecting them to never hurt you is delusional. We’re all human, we are all capable of destruction. Some of us learn this the hard way… but the only way to get over hurtful events is to accept that it happened (this is the most important step) resisting change is foolish because change will occur whether you like it or not. You can either take that change and use it to your advantage (learn something from it) or you can wallow in your misery and let your life deteriote from there.

First I wouldn’t get outta bed. I would cry myself to sleep because I was in disbelief; I couldn’t accept the idea that the guy who loves me so much did this to me. And it still hurts, it really does. But I’ve accepted it. I don’t cry that much about it anymore, but then again it’s been three months. First month I drowned in my misery, second month I took up yoga to lower my anxiety (and it worked for me) and I smoke a lot of weed too so I guess that kinda just numbs it out. I don’t recommend doing drugs or drinking alcohol for your misery because it becomes habit and habits are hard to break

I’m in my third month now, I laugh more, I appreciate my surroundings, I work my ass off at school, but I still have moments of weakness. When familiar songs come on, when I read something, when I watch something, when my stories consist of me and him, when I smell his cologne.

It does get easier, it has gotten easier but it still really hurts but eventually I know there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and I can’t go down from here I can only go up. 

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